More Stuff.....

Yes another entry. My mind has been actually working lately a little better; therefore I have thoughts to share. Lucky you.

One event that took place just the other day was losing an aunt of mine, Aunt Helen, who even after all of these years and miles separating us never felt like a stranger. It was some time ago when I last saw her but I pulled up to her old Montcalm Ave apartment and knocked on the door and that sweet lady appeared with a smile that made me know she was family and embodied everything that is good about family. The fact is if you look up love in the dictionary, likely Aunt Helen’s picture is beside it. She was one of a kind and I know of no person who could ever say a bad thing about her, notwithstanding the Dodger fan in her. Even though I did not see her for some time, I feel as though our family took a big hit in her loss.

I am not going to get political here. Everyone knows my political leanings, so unless I feel really moved to do a political piece, I am avoiding that nonsense for now. Sometimes avoidance is the healthier option. I felt a collective sigh from my few readers after writing that statement.

Let me talk a little bit about my new home, Myrtle Beach. There is a lot to enjoy here and the ocean is beautiful and the golf course at my back door is usually quite peaceful. There is a lot to like about this place but let me tell you a few things that are a challenge. The first thing is people….not just people but lots and lots of people. Along with lots and lots of people come lots and lots of cars with mostly lost people behind the wheel. Thankfully where we live, we can choose when and when not to be encumbered by people. In my employment I must coexist on the highways with many of these people. The thing about Myrtle Beach is it would appear that all rules of driving are suspending within the city limits. Most days I actually find it entertaining to watch. These folks just sprawl all over the highways and change multiple lanes with no regard to whether or not any other vehicles are near them. Turn signals are rare as they are in most places these days and speed limit signs are a waste of tax payer money. Not surprisingly there are a lot of accidents during “the season.”

Another positive about this place is restaurants. I thought where I came from, Raleigh NC, that they had a lot of restaurants. This place is crazy with all of the restaurants. One thing they are not here, generally speaking, is cheap. A lot of choice but they cater to the throngs of weary, lost travelers and separate them from as much of their money as possible. Choices do abound, however, so it’s hard to complain about that.

So Linda and I are trying to find our way down here. There certainly are lots of things to see, some we want to see, and some we could care less about. The wax museum is probably in the latter category. They have a pretty good minor league baseball team so I will try and go to those games as I am able. Baseball seems to have a way of bringing me back to my roots. (I was a lousy little leaguer but your mind tends to push those negative things away.)

And of course there’s the beach. Myrtle Beach really is a beautiful beach and we are minutes away so hopefully we take a lot of that in. I vote for waiting for more of the lost travelers to find their way home and give me my beach back but I will try and deal with the throngs when I have to deal with them.

Linda continues to near the official retirement phase of her life. I am so happy for her and also very proud of what she accomplished with the NC United Methodist Conference. She made a lot of lifetime friends and was generally surrounded by the highest caliber of people. I still must slave for the man for a few more years unless Ed McMahon comes to my door. (Wait he’s dead)

So to sum this little entry up; I am blessed.

Big Changes...

So I’ve not written much for a while. Part of it was because of how busy Linda and I have been trying to basically retool our new home and new life. I’ve been so tired at the end of every day I basically spent a lot of my time like a lump on our sofa.

I know that over these past several months I have inundated Facebook with pictures in and around our new digs. The positives outweigh any challenges with our move so I have decided to try to focus only on the positives.

Many of you know that I was quite involved with my church in many ways. I’m not sure how I ever fill the void that has been left in that regard. I am church hunting but I made so many friendships and went through so much personally through St Timothy’s Church that to find a place that will even come close to my Raleigh church home will be difficult at best. I must tell you that the Vestry and parish gave me a little send-off that was humbling and even now I am overwhelmed when I think about all of the outpouring of love and good wishes. The single most difficult thing about this move was moving further from all of those friends I cherish.

So I have settled in and soon Linda will finally retire and settle in as well. She is also going through a difficult period. Everyone who still works always is jealous of those who can retire but I must tell you while physically and emotionally she needs this, I am seeing that her love and contact of all of the people she worked with over 15 years with the NC United Methodist Conference is something she will dearly miss. She has been especially blessed to have the high caliber of people she most closely worked with and you cannot put a value on that.

We are blessed to have Linda’s sister and husband Jeff in the same town so we can connect with them regularly. It is always good to have family close. That has been a challenge as well because my daughter Marlee and Linda’s son Bill are now 3 hours away where they were minutes away for many years. The fact is we made this move for selfish reasons in that this was a step for us towards retirement and towards less maintenance and upkeep and more time to smell the roses. (or sea water as it were)

Now I am beginning to meet new friends and get to know my coworkers better so in that regard I am definitely headed in a positive direction. You never know how many years are in his plan for us so we are now going to try and make the best of every gift of a day we are given. And please stay in touch.

So I will start writing more as time and my physical ability allows. Based on my poor grammar and choppy sentences you can assume that mental ability is not really relevant. Happy days all!

Another difficult Concept

I have been considering a word lately that is freely tossed around and extolled upon but I find it a difficult concept in its purest sense. It is tolerance. I’ve read the dictionary meaning and read tons of different quotes on the word but the difficulty I seem to have is understanding the pure meaning. It seems to hold a very subjective meaning in so many cases.

Just ask yourself this simple question: Are you tolerant? I think many people would quickly say yes. Then they would think about their answer and say sometimes. Dig deeper. Are you tolerant of a person’s weaknesses? Wait now, what would you consider a weakness? Another very subjective thing. Do you Tolerate children misbehaving? Most people’s answer would be yes….to a point. What is that point? Clearly if you watch children in public it’s different in almost every case. Some parent(s) seem to allow most anything while others keep a very tight reign. Again, we all tolerate things on a different level.

Now here it is, the most used, if not overused, instance of the word tolerance….political tolerance. Let’s face it, the left accuses the right of intolerance and the right accuses the left of the same. Who is right? Are they both right? ( sorry, correct) If you tolerate a certain perspective, does that mean you condone it? I should think not. To tolerate something in my eyes means to give freedom to the person or thing or principle to be able to express themselves without fear of retribution. That does not mean freedom of consequences though. Even though you tolerate something does not mean you erase your set of morals. It does not mean you should be unable to express an opinion about what you think is right or wrong otherwise why even have a moral compass?

The one aspect of the word tolerance that bothers me most is if I say I am tolerant of someone, it makes me sound as if I think I am superior. The fact is I consider the word accepting much better. It again does not mean I condone a particular behavior but it does mean I accept the person’s right to behave the way they deem fit and any consequences will come later and very likely not by me.

I guess this word has become a bit of a sore spot for me because the very people that seem to espouse the term tolerance the most only want us to condone a certain behavior and if we do not or cannot then they deem us intolerant. So you see, it seems to be a vicious circle that we will never solve. I think it comes down to something I’ve already said tolerance is acceptance but does not imply agreement.

So there you have it. I had to get this off my chest. If you’ve been able to tolerate this entry feel free to give me your thoughts. This is a concept I continually wrestle with so any help would be gladly accepted!

Facebook Leave of Absence....

I recently made a statement that would seem by the many reactions to be a signal of a problem. I am cutting way back on my Facebook time. The reactions were interesting and even touching. Some seemed to think there was something wrong or that there was some kind of personal problem that precipitated this decision. Let me first dispel that notion. There is nothing wrong….well that wasn’t wrong before the decision anyway.

First a few words about Facebook. On the surface this type of communication and conversation seems pretty harmless and fun and on the surface it is. But dig deeper and you see the problems. Facebook has become a major advertiser that constantly observes and gathers data about each user and aims ads in each user’s direction based on that data. Facebook has also become a real political machine of sorts but the problem is that much of what is purported simply isn’t factual or is so heavily spun towards a certain agenda that it is almost ridiculous to read and believe anything on face value. That being said, there are just too many people online that do just that and that is the end of their examination of facts. To me that is a dangerous recipe for our country in that the political power in this country will belong to the believers of Facebook.

Another aspect of Facebook is it seems to have transformed what friendships are and are not. In my past, a good friend was someone I could talk to anytime about anything and get support and guidance and they could count on me as well for that. Now the best friend you have has the fastest download and upload speeds. This just doesn’t seem healthy to me and it seems to push the notion forward that personal connection is now directly proportional to baud rate. Technology has jumped in leaps and bounds in the area of making the world a smaller place but I’m afraid it has not made the world a closer place and I believe it has actually widened personal disconnection.

Now, to be fair, Facebook is not all bad. I have connected, albeit electronically and in brief words, to many in my past and there is a sort of comfort in hearing from old friends and knowing that some things do not change. By that same token some of these people I follow never really knew me very well growing up and some had no interest in knowing me so it would seem odd that suddenly they want to be “friends”. Again I guess it boils down to what I conceive as a friend and a Facebook “friend” and how they really do differ.

Now this paragraph is not directed to any one individual or group but it just speaks to another interesting phenomena that has evolved from Facebook. Pictures. Pictures of every detail of our lives. Pictures of our homes, food, clothes, cars, babies, weather, etc., etc., etc. They even make an attachment for your phone now that is a kind of telescopic boom to attach your phone to in order to make more interesting “selfies”. Facebook has taken self-absorption to a new level. I remember when a picture was a really prized possession. Now we are so inundated with pictures of everything in our world that they have lost their special quality of being individually special. I know this kind of saturation of pictures and videos will not change and I also know many of you are rolling your eyes saying boy is this guy behind the times but it is something that I have observed over these past couple years.

So to conclude, I am OK. I still value each of my family and friends very highly. I am going through a sort of personal change and challenge that is causing me to rethink and refocus what I am doing with my time and thus determined Facebook was taking too much of it. I expect I will return once I get a few things worked out so until then, love, laugh and live your lives and treasure your true friends.

Good Vs Evil......

I’ve been thinking about this lately and since I can’t really put my finger on the answer I thought I would share the question. The question is as follows: What makes a good person good?

Now on the surface it would seem the answer is pretty obvious but it really is far from it. In fact, good, these days, seems to be a very subjective term. Not that many years ago there was a real distinction between good and evil. So let’s examine the issue and some of the things that I see as defining terms and yet not always.

Is a person that goes to church every Sunday a good person? I would submit that this alone will never define a person as good and in fact, I’ve known many people over my years that go to church that could never fall into that category. By the same token, I know many people who do not attend that I would classify as good. So while this part of a person can signify a strength in character and a belief in something bigger then themselves, it does not, in my mind, make you a good or a bad person by itself.

So how about a person with good intentions? I think good intentions are a good thing but not acted upon are not really meaningful. You know about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions right? So again, in my little mind, good intentions without execution are not a true way to measure a person.

Are Republicans good and Democrats evil or is it the other way around? Do politics make a person good or evil. I suppose you could surmise that many in politics are evil but I don’t believe that. I do know that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely but I will leave it at that because this little offering really is not about politics. It’s about traits of a person that make them good or otherwise. Politics falls outside of this discussion because either someone is truthful or they are not and that may be the best way to separate politicians.

Are poor people good? Are rich people good? I would answer both those questions with yes and no. In other words, your wealth or lack of wealth does not make you good or evil. There is a segment of the population that considers all wealthy people to be greedy and evil. I don’t subscribe to that theory. There is a segment that thinks poor people are inherently criminals and only looking out for themselves and I think that is also wrong. While a person’s circumstance in life can influence how they behave you cannot categorically claim that all in one group or another are good or evil. It’s all about actions.

This is not an issue that is so cut and dry. In my opinion a good person is a combination of traits that incorporate a giving spirit, a helping hand, and basically a person looking out for their fellow man. I think church is a great thing but you need to be involved in a way that is serving as well as receiving. If you only attend every service to gain forgiveness and enable you to return to your less than good ways it is meaningless. So when you look at the religious person, it still comes down to execution of morals and principles in this world.

Finally I think the best judge of a person is not when you are watching their behavior or following their actions but more when you are not. Integrity is just that. When no one is watching how do they behave and act? Why do they do what they do? Do they give to a charity or give of their time to attain some sort of status within their community? Do they want everyone in the world to know they gave to a charity? So you see, in my eyes, action without the right intentions can also be a troubling way to judge a person.

That’s all for now. This good and evil thing can be a very daunting task to actually recognize because probably the most giving, generous and loving people on this planet don’t do it for recognition….they do it because they are good.

My Christmas Blessings

My cousin, Jim, who is the real writer in the family posted a Christmas letter of sorts so I thought I may as well do the same. Also, I am home alone and have time on my hands which anyone who knows me spells trouble.

It is easy to get down in the weeds about how many things are wrong in this country and world and the way so many seem to have lost their humanity so I will try and not go the easy route. Instead I thought I would focus on the good things and the blessings in my life. Complaining seems like such a huge waste of energy, although I am guilty of it now and then, that I thought instead I would give thanks. So here’s my thank you list in no particular order:
1) Thankful for relatively good health in spite of myself.
2) Thankful for my wife and best friend for being by my side through thick and thin.
3) Thankful for my daughter who I grow ever prouder of through the years.
4) Thankful for my Step-Son who although faced with many difficult challenges continues to face them head on.
5) Thankful for my Sons, Jason and Josh, for being the great men they are.
6) Thankful for all of my Grandchildren and hopeful to see them all as much as possible in the future. 7) Thankful for my wife’s sister Stephanie and her husband Jeff for an even more fun and interesting future at the Myrtle and for being the kind and crazy spirits they are.
8) Thankful for all of my extended family (and you know who you are) because when you strip all of the nonsense away from this crazy world your family is what matters.
9) Thankful for a roof over my head and food on my plate which is more fortunate than many.
10) Thankful to my Church and the family that comes along with it. (and you know who you are)
11) Thankful for my Priest and friend Fr. James for always being there for me no matter how I’ve screwed up.
12) Thankful that I have the ability and resources to write and distribute this letter to so many…something not that long ago would have been a monumental task.
13) Thankful that my Linda, when diagnosed with cancer a little over 7 years ago said ya…..right…bring it on! She is an amazing spirit and inspiration to me every day.
14) Thankful for this beautiful country that provides us with such magnificent splendor that many take for granted, be it the beaches mountains and everything in between.
15) Thankful for all that have left this world but taught me so much about life, love, challenges and how to laugh at them all as well as myself.
16) And finally……thankful to an all loving God who made 1-15 possible.

There are many more things to be thankful for but these came to my mind and with my mind I am much better off getting them out while they are there. I am also thankful to you who read this because you obviously care in some way about knowing me better.

I wish you all a merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah as well as a prosperous and fulfilling future!

Mindless Ramblings

So it’s been a while since I’ve written much of anything. Dealing with family and personal issues that have pretty much consumed my time. A lot has happened in this crazy world since I last wrote. I’ve tried to stay below the radar because some of my views might not be completely popular so better sometimes to keep things bottled in this head of mine. It’s a change I’ve tried to make. If I am asked my opinion I gladly will share but otherwise I am trying to remain somewhat un-political.

One trend I am seeing is this tendency to belittle or make fun of certain Walmart shoppers. While they seem to bring it upon themselves in many cases, for a reason I am uncertain of, it is making me increasingly uncomfortable. It is almost a kind of sport for some and that’s fine but I have a hard time with it lately so I steer clear, as much as possible, in engaging in the behavior. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging anyone who finds it entertaining, I just choose not to get involved.

Another thing I am realizing over these past few years is just how families are changing. Large families that stay connected seem to be an endangered species. I think it’s a result of how spread out our society has become. I also think that with the dawn of social media we lean much more heavily on electronic communication and much less on face to face visits. That’s sad, in my opinion. One of my real joys of childhood was to go to my Grandmother’s house on Sundays, sometimes for dinner, sometimes to just visit and sometimes to steal a few carrots from my Grandfather’s garden. It was a simple joy and it was certainly just taken for granted. I remember how excited I would be when my cousins were visiting. Family was just more connected and closer. I look back now and realize just how good we really had it. Not in terms of money but certainly in terms of family interaction. Texting just doesn’t get it for me and I am a hideous conversationalist on the phone. Will this family dynamic ever change? I can’t see it but I do know I miss it.

I am in a melancholy mood tonight. I have been thinking about all of the people in my life that have left this world for the next and as I start to count them up it becomes a sad event. Friends through church, a wife, all of my parents, grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins…..if I look at the losses one by one it’s much easier than looking at the total but anyway I look, it is not easy. I guess what is becoming more real to me each year is my mortality. Living a good long life has its positives but also one drawback is you see a lot of loved ones leave before you. There is no fix for this, it just is and for some reason this evening it has pushed to the forefront in my mind.

I really try to focus on the blessings I have and how very fortunate I am to have what I do have because there are many not so fortunate but some nights those other thoughts creep in and when they do I must ponder them. I am blessed. I have relatively good health, a roof over my head and a soul mate that completes my dreams with me. Why is there a side of human nature that exists which makes us want more and want to do better? My guess is if there wasn’t that facet to humanity we might have gone extinct many years ago. The problem is it can be taken too far. I don’t begrudge anyone who works their tail off to reap the rewards of that effort. What bothers me though is there are many in that situation that not only take it for granted but do nothing to help the less fortunate and that is really in my eyes a crime against humanity. Yes we want to do well for ourselves and yes we always want to try and do better but somehow we must never forget what got us there and perhaps who helped us to get there.

I really am aimlessly rambling with an occasional lucid thought so if you take anything away from this, it is that everyone, I think anyhow, has some of these thoughts. We may not be able to fix many of the things I’ve mentioned but sometimes just verbalizing them helps us to make sense of this crazy world.