Dear Dad,
Well it’s your birthday today and I wish I could celebrate that fact with you but instead I am left with many numerous and wonderful memories. In years past, Linda and I would have performed the very difficult task of trying to figure out what to send you for your special day. Not this year and what I wouldn’t give for another chance.
I’m not sure if you would be disappointed in me or upset with me but I still miss you as if you passed yesterday. Everyone tells me it will get easier. Everyone tells me to give it more time. While I know this to be true it’s not what I really want to hear. The worst part is there really isn’t anything anyone can say that will make this easier. The years march on whether we like it or not and our mortality eventually becomes a realization. Knowledge of that fact is of little comfort even now.
What I have learned over the years and in my various losses of loved ones are there really never seems to be enough time. Never enough time to say I love you one more time. Never enough time to see just one more smile or hear one more “my aching back”. Never enough time to enjoy one more dinner at Mainly Lobster or a michigan at McSweeney’s. So instead we are left with our memories and they will have to suffice but right now….at this very moment….I find even the memories to not be enough. I feel weak Dad. I feel like I need to draw on an inner strength that at this moment escapes me. So I will pray….and pray some more for my God to supply me with that needed strength.
I will never forget our long talks about everything under the sun. I will never forget my counseling you, of all things, when you lost Daisy. As much as we disagreed on politics how I wish I could be in an engaging conversation about this President with you. I would give anything to be sitting beside you watching your beloved Yankees just one more time.
I want to thank you Dad. You supplied me with a foundation to my faith. You gave me an example to follow and a hero to admire. You taught me right from wrong even though I didn’t always get that right every time. You taught me to find wit and humor in any situation. You taught me to stand by my convictions even when I stood alone. You taught me how to blow a pretty fair horn. So even though you were no more perfect than any of us you made me want to aspire to try and measure up to you and I continue that mission still today. You have left some big shoes to fill and I may never fill them but I will never stop trying.
I know you are already growing impatient with me getting all emotional and nostalgic so I will close this letter. Dad, I never really said this enough to you but I love you. You knew it…I knew it…and for us that was enough. But I wish I could tell you right now in person one more time. So this will have to do. I know I will see you again….not sure when that will be…..but that very fact will sustain me and one day….in the future….I will see you face to face….and will tell you once more…..I love you.
Pete
