I feel compelled to write a little entry in memory of my late wife Karen who passed away on January 24th, 1999 or just over 15 years ago. I am twice blessed to have found Linda since then and really have no words to convey how fortunate I am to be able to include each of them as soul-mates but I wanted to write this about Karen.
Our daughter Marlee is one of the things that really exemplify Karen best. All of the things Karen was are still in Marlee. She was full of life and you could not smile when she smiled. She was quite dramatic in many aspects of her life. (Marlee) She was extremely intelligent and seemed to effortlessly display it although she really couldn’t change a flat tire. (Marlee) Again, I was blessed to have her and although the last year was very difficult for her physically she was always more concerned about everyone else around her. I will never forget when the illness she had was finally diagnosed and I was a wreck and asked her don’t you ever think why me? Her response was why not me? That blew me away at that time and still to this very day I remember it. Her faith was so strong and even got stronger as she travelled the difficult journey of the disease which ultimately took her life so early.
As life moves on we tend to take some things for granted. Karen’s death rocked my world as well as Marlee’s and many others but as I look back now I can only remember the blessings that I had at that time in Karen and that’s the way memories should be. The good thing is Karen’s memory lives on in Marlee. My guess is I see it a lot when Marlee even has no idea. So I count Marlee as another blessing in that she can remind me of just what her mother was like and why she was special to me then and her memories will be special to me always. If you never met Karen then you missed out. I can only try to convey what she meant to me, her daughter, her family and anyone else whoever had contact with her.
So here’s to you Karen…..you were a great mother, wife, and friend. It was a privilege that I will never take for granted being part of your life. Know that your daughter has gotten the best guidance and care and love from me, Linda and everyone else around her since the Lord took you home. Eventually I know we will all be together but for now we should take time every now and then to take stock in what we had….what we have…and how blessed we all are in this world!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
My Dad...revisited
I came across this letter I wrote several years ago. I wrote it to my dearly departed Dad. I read it....and read it again.....and realized it was worth reposting. If your Dad is still around....take some lessons from it....make it known how special he is to you right now...don't waste another minute. It could be the last minute you have.
Dear Dad,
Well it’s your birthday today and I wish I could celebrate that fact with you but instead I am left with many numerous and wonderful memories. In years past, Linda and I would have performed the very difficult task of trying to figure out what to send you for your special day. Not this year and what I wouldn’t give for another chance.
I’m not sure if you would be disappointed in me or upset with me but I still miss you as if you passed yesterday. Everyone tells me it will get easier. Everyone tells me to give it more time. While I know this to be true it’s not what I really want to hear. The worst part is there really isn’t anything anyone can say that will make this easier. The years march on whether we like it or not and our mortality eventually becomes a realization. Knowledge of that fact is of little comfort even now.
What I have learned over the years and in my various losses of loved ones are there really never seems to be enough time. Never enough time to say I love you one more time. Never enough time to see just one more smile or hear one more “my aching back”. Never enough time to enjoy one more dinner at Mainly Lobster or a michigan at McSweeney’s. So instead we are left with our memories and they will have to suffice but right now….at this very moment….I find even the memories to not be enough. I feel weak Dad. I feel like I need to draw on an inner strength that at this moment escapes me. So I will pray….and pray some more for my God to supply me with that needed strength.
I will never forget our long talks about everything under the sun. I will never forget my counseling you, of all things, when you lost Daisy. As much as we disagreed on politics how I wish I could be in an engaging conversation about this President with you. I would give anything to be sitting beside you watching your beloved Yankees just one more time.
I want to thank you Dad. You supplied me with a foundation to my faith. You gave me an example to follow and a hero to admire. You taught me right from wrong even though I didn’t always get that right every time. You taught me to find wit and humor in any situation. You taught me to stand by my convictions even when I stood alone. You taught me how to blow a pretty fair horn. So even though you were no more perfect than any of us you made me want to aspire to try and measure up to you and I continue that mission still today. You have left some big shoes to fill and I may never fill them but I will never stop trying.
I know you are already growing impatient with me getting all emotional and nostalgic so I will close this letter. Dad, I never really said this enough to you but I love you. You knew it…I knew it…and for us that was enough. But I wish I could tell you right now in person one more time. So this will have to do. I know I will see you again….not sure when that will be…..but that very fact will sustain me and one day….in the future….I will see you face to face….and will tell you once more…..I love you.
Pete
Dear Dad,
Well it’s your birthday today and I wish I could celebrate that fact with you but instead I am left with many numerous and wonderful memories. In years past, Linda and I would have performed the very difficult task of trying to figure out what to send you for your special day. Not this year and what I wouldn’t give for another chance.
I’m not sure if you would be disappointed in me or upset with me but I still miss you as if you passed yesterday. Everyone tells me it will get easier. Everyone tells me to give it more time. While I know this to be true it’s not what I really want to hear. The worst part is there really isn’t anything anyone can say that will make this easier. The years march on whether we like it or not and our mortality eventually becomes a realization. Knowledge of that fact is of little comfort even now.
What I have learned over the years and in my various losses of loved ones are there really never seems to be enough time. Never enough time to say I love you one more time. Never enough time to see just one more smile or hear one more “my aching back”. Never enough time to enjoy one more dinner at Mainly Lobster or a michigan at McSweeney’s. So instead we are left with our memories and they will have to suffice but right now….at this very moment….I find even the memories to not be enough. I feel weak Dad. I feel like I need to draw on an inner strength that at this moment escapes me. So I will pray….and pray some more for my God to supply me with that needed strength.
I will never forget our long talks about everything under the sun. I will never forget my counseling you, of all things, when you lost Daisy. As much as we disagreed on politics how I wish I could be in an engaging conversation about this President with you. I would give anything to be sitting beside you watching your beloved Yankees just one more time.
I want to thank you Dad. You supplied me with a foundation to my faith. You gave me an example to follow and a hero to admire. You taught me right from wrong even though I didn’t always get that right every time. You taught me to find wit and humor in any situation. You taught me to stand by my convictions even when I stood alone. You taught me how to blow a pretty fair horn. So even though you were no more perfect than any of us you made me want to aspire to try and measure up to you and I continue that mission still today. You have left some big shoes to fill and I may never fill them but I will never stop trying.
I know you are already growing impatient with me getting all emotional and nostalgic so I will close this letter. Dad, I never really said this enough to you but I love you. You knew it…I knew it…and for us that was enough. But I wish I could tell you right now in person one more time. So this will have to do. I know I will see you again….not sure when that will be…..but that very fact will sustain me and one day….in the future….I will see you face to face….and will tell you once more…..I love you.
Pete
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