Dear Linda.....

Dear Linda, Well you are on the mend and won’t likely read this for several days but what happened just emphasizes in my mind how you are so important to me. Until a challenge comes along, I don’t think we always know how we will react or how we will cope. Out of suffering comes great revelations about a person’s character and you were no different through all of this. You handled these challenges with grace and yes perhaps a little anxiety at times but even at your lowest point, the humor and sparkle never left those eyes.

During the cancer period, you were strong, had a great attitude that it was not going to beat you and just pushed through it with a smile, much more of a smile than I could muster I must add. That was difficult for me in various ways but even this recent health challenge was different. As much as we think we know God’s plan, or at least have an impact on his plan, an event like this taught me once again, that every moment is precious. (and fleeting) The last minute of your life you took to read this you cannot get back. While that certainly cannot be disputed, the older I get the more I realize how finite those minutes are or can be. The reason the statement, “youth is wasted on the young” is the very point I am trying to make. In our youth time is but a vehicle to get us from one place to the next. When we get older we realize how precious that vehicle really is and how blessed we are to have enough time in this world to make a difference.

So all indications are you will be getting out of the hospital soon. This event cemented in stone how much you mean to me and how important it is that we go on together for years to come to make the very most of those minutes we each have left in this world. Money and things are temporary….love, although not as popular a concept these days, is forever. I am blessed to have my best friend be by my side. Events like this drive the point home.

So I am very happy to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel with your recent malady and, as I always do, wait in eager anticipation of your return home. One more thing…you should know, as I’m sure you do, that you have an extended Facebook network of friends and family who have been praying for you since this began. Along with Facebook, you have a huge contingency of Methodists and Episcopalians that are also praying for you and helping you through this. All of these people only strengthen my resolve and all of the prayers truly lift you up above these challenges. So be as grateful as I am that these people both near and far have been with you every step of the way!

My name may be Peter but YOU are truly my rock.

Youthful Perspective

“Youth is wasted on the young.” I’m not certain who coined that phrase first but it is indeed a cruel irony that as adults we understand that point but as children, no amount of drilling it in our craniums would or will make a difference. I thought I would offer up a little of my own perspective.

Recent events in my life have made me think a little about what the differences are between the so called adult way of thinking and the little adults way of thinking. I think it boils down to one evil word for both children and adults; consequences. We make decisions every day that have both intended and unintended consequences. I would submit that children really don’t make the distinction and we as adults should be there to guide them. That being said I would have to also say that many children do a much better job!

So if consequences exist no matter what the age where does experience fit in as far as helping our children. It’s quite simple….anything they are trying to do that may be harmful was probably already performed by the adults in their life. But where children have the advantage is having, and I say this in hope, a backstop of an adult to temper the consequences somewhat. What children will never understand is that as adults our decisions become our own and we have nowhere to look but in the mirror as to the responsibility of said decisions. Children who are fortunate enough to have adult supervision have the real blessing of not being entirely responsible as far as our society as a whole. Yes we try to make them accountable and understand the consequences of bad decisions but oftentimes those consequences and subsequent punishments are kept within the family. We are basically judge and jury. They many times see it as unfair judgment until, of course, they become adults and then it all comes in to focus.

I would state that these are my opinions and I realize some may disagree and that’s fine, you can deal with the consequences of that disagreement. (or not) I have to say that one of the most satisfying things in my lifetime is to see my offspring finally understand why they were held to a certain yardstick of behavior and how children of today measure up. (or don’t) So keep the dialogue open and free with your children because at some point in your life, hopefully, you will have the pleasure of watching the light bulb come on in their eyes of how much your love and support made them who they are and made them think the way they think.

A Tribute To Karen

I feel compelled to write a little entry in memory of my late wife Karen who passed away on January 24th, 1999 or just over 15 years ago. I am twice blessed to have found Linda since then and really have no words to convey how fortunate I am to be able to include each of them as soul-mates but I wanted to write this about Karen.

Our daughter Marlee is one of the things that really exemplify Karen best. All of the things Karen was are still in Marlee. She was full of life and you could not smile when she smiled. She was quite dramatic in many aspects of her life. (Marlee) She was extremely intelligent and seemed to effortlessly display it although she really couldn’t change a flat tire. (Marlee) Again, I was blessed to have her and although the last year was very difficult for her physically she was always more concerned about everyone else around her. I will never forget when the illness she had was finally diagnosed and I was a wreck and asked her don’t you ever think why me? Her response was why not me? That blew me away at that time and still to this very day I remember it. Her faith was so strong and even got stronger as she travelled the difficult journey of the disease which ultimately took her life so early.

As life moves on we tend to take some things for granted. Karen’s death rocked my world as well as Marlee’s and many others but as I look back now I can only remember the blessings that I had at that time in Karen and that’s the way memories should be. The good thing is Karen’s memory lives on in Marlee. My guess is I see it a lot when Marlee even has no idea. So I count Marlee as another blessing in that she can remind me of just what her mother was like and why she was special to me then and her memories will be special to me always. If you never met Karen then you missed out. I can only try to convey what she meant to me, her daughter, her family and anyone else whoever had contact with her.

So here’s to you Karen…..you were a great mother, wife, and friend. It was a privilege that I will never take for granted being part of your life. Know that your daughter has gotten the best guidance and care and love from me, Linda and everyone else around her since the Lord took you home. Eventually I know we will all be together but for now we should take time every now and then to take stock in what we had….what we have…and how blessed we all are in this world!

My Dad...revisited

I came across this letter I wrote several years ago. I wrote it to my dearly departed Dad. I read it....and read it again.....and realized it was worth reposting. If your Dad is still around....take some lessons from it....make it known how special he is to you right now...don't waste another minute. It could be the last minute you have.

Dear Dad,

Well it’s your birthday today and I wish I could celebrate that fact with you but instead I am left with many numerous and wonderful memories. In years past, Linda and I would have performed the very difficult task of trying to figure out what to send you for your special day. Not this year and what I wouldn’t give for another chance.

I’m not sure if you would be disappointed in me or upset with me but I still miss you as if you passed yesterday. Everyone tells me it will get easier. Everyone tells me to give it more time. While I know this to be true it’s not what I really want to hear. The worst part is there really isn’t anything anyone can say that will make this easier. The years march on whether we like it or not and our mortality eventually becomes a realization. Knowledge of that fact is of little comfort even now.

What I have learned over the years and in my various losses of loved ones are there really never seems to be enough time. Never enough time to say I love you one more time. Never enough time to see just one more smile or hear one more “my aching back”. Never enough time to enjoy one more dinner at Mainly Lobster or a michigan at McSweeney’s. So instead we are left with our memories and they will have to suffice but right now….at this very moment….I find even the memories to not be enough. I feel weak Dad. I feel like I need to draw on an inner strength that at this moment escapes me. So I will pray….and pray some more for my God to supply me with that needed strength.

I will never forget our long talks about everything under the sun. I will never forget my counseling you, of all things, when you lost Daisy. As much as we disagreed on politics how I wish I could be in an engaging conversation about this President with you. I would give anything to be sitting beside you watching your beloved Yankees just one more time.

I want to thank you Dad. You supplied me with a foundation to my faith. You gave me an example to follow and a hero to admire. You taught me right from wrong even though I didn’t always get that right every time. You taught me to find wit and humor in any situation. You taught me to stand by my convictions even when I stood alone. You taught me how to blow a pretty fair horn. So even though you were no more perfect than any of us you made me want to aspire to try and measure up to you and I continue that mission still today. You have left some big shoes to fill and I may never fill them but I will never stop trying.

I know you are already growing impatient with me getting all emotional and nostalgic so I will close this letter. Dad, I never really said this enough to you but I love you. You knew it…I knew it…and for us that was enough. But I wish I could tell you right now in person one more time. So this will have to do. I know I will see you again….not sure when that will be…..but that very fact will sustain me and one day….in the future….I will see you face to face….and will tell you once more…..I love you.
Pete

Family

For some reason, which I am always unsure of, I felt a need to write about one topic that seems to have really changed over the years. I am speaking about the word “family”. Not that many decades ago the term family and blood were interchangeable. Family is now not so well defined. Is this a bad thing or good thing? I don’t think it’s either but some families are blatantly dysfunctional while others preserve a tight bond. Then there is the family such as mine that falls somewhere in the middle. (Perhaps leaning towards the dysfunctional) I am still connected with most of my family and have an extended family of many beautiful Grandchildren as well as a daughter, two sons, a step son and cousins as far as the eye can see…and then some.

Now my family has had more than its share of drama over the years and I’ve experienced about as many types of losses there are in a family; some in my control, some not. I don’t say this to garner any sympathy but just to state that loss is not unfamiliar to me.

But the entire dynamic of a family is being re-adjudicated in our lifetime. What used to be Grandparents, Fathers, Mothers, Sons and Daughters making up the immediate family is now not so well defined. Another thing about past families is where I grew up and no matter what the religious affiliation; God of some kind was usually a guiding force. This is slowly and maybe in some circles quickly changing. The world’s commercialism has finally begun to take its toll. Christmas for many children is about presents and candy. When I grew up, Christmas was certainly about Santa Claus but there was also this birthday we were celebrating….the Son of God. No matter how much we enjoyed the presents and the candy and everything else about the commercial side, we were frequently reminded why Christmas existed. That has fallen by the wayside and that is a travesty that will reap negative benefits for years to come.

I wonder how many people take a few minutes to ponder what their family dynamic really is and how it has affected their lives. I have more cousins than you can shake a stick at and have been woefully inadequate staying in touch. I take full responsibility. We all get so swept up in our daily lives that we tend to push off what should be a priority because in the end we are left with family and our God. If you only have one or neither than your life will end, in my humble opinion, on a lonely note.

I think everyone should take a step back and try to reconnect to family. I know there are relationships too divided by circumstances but in many cases we have just lost touch. I am going to take a look at that myself. You can procrastinate about this but in the end you will be the one who suffers. Something to think about…..

People Just Can't Hit The Delete Key Everytime!

I like many people these days, am trying to come to terms with the more and more prevalent violence taking place everywhere. My wife and I talked about it as we often do and her insights are always enlightening to me. We both agree that it is definitely related to a society that is becoming so disconnected both on a human level and definitely on an emotional level.

This goes deeper than the availability of guns. Many are ready to just jump on the gun control bandwagon and make that the root of our problem. Gun control will not stop these people who are utterly disconnected from society to not continue to hurt people. I’ve maintained for some time that this is problem goes far deeper than the simple use of a gun or knife or fist. Those things are a means to an end and what must be addressed is how to change the tracks of these people who are only looking for that grimmest of ends.

My theory will be dismissed by many as being simplistic and unrealistic and I frankly don’t care. Get your own blog and submit your own theory. One of our problems is the direction we have veered where God is dismissed, morals are thrown out as being judgments man cannot make about another man and we are so intent of not offending anyone that we now pretty much offend everyone. You can also look at the media outlets either glorifying murder or indecent behavior becoming the norm. Many kids these days (and too many adults) have no human connection and only use these media outlets to guide their behavior. We are fast becoming so disconnected with other people that the value of life itself is diminishing and when that happens to the most troubled in our society the outcome are these heinous acts of multiple murders that seem to be on the rise.

Let’s forget for a moment the type of weapon being used in any of these mass murders and look at the person holding the gun. I’m sorry but that is where the root of the problem exists. Until that very basic premise is understood things will not change in fact get worse. What is driving these people to do the things they do? Why do they feel their only recourse is to kill people? What happens to a person when the taking of life is deemed an acceptable action of behavior? We better determine this disconnect in human behavior because unless that gets addressed things will continue to decline.

So now let me start to get the head shakers going. All I need to say is one word for so many to shut down and that is God. OK, now that I have shed the head shakers, and you know who you are, let’s think about this. There is a, larger than we would like to even believe, faction in our society determined to remove God from every facet of our lives. From our schools to our government buildings and even many public places people don’t want the almighty infringing on their behaviors. It astounds me when once a major tragedy occurs those people are the first to ask “Where was God here?” My answer would not waiver; it would be right were you left him…..behind.

Now I realize there’s more to what is going on than the lack of God but I also believe that the simple foundation that the majority once had in a power higher than each one of us has slowly disintegrated to the point now that many think this life is all there is and there are no consequences for anything anyone does in this life. That is both sad and scary to me.

I leave you to ponder this. I don’t have any quick answers. I personally wouldn’t mind if televisions disappeared in our lives but I know that’s not going to happen. I just know that somehow people are going to have to start connecting with people on a face to face level again. Once that starts to occur than perhaps our children will understand that a simple delete key is not the answer to their problems.

Happy Birthday To My BEST Friend

So tomorrow marks a special day for my best friend. It is a birthday that while is a milestone I will keep that between us. This person who came into my life back in 1999 really saved me. I was personally somewhat lost and confused after going through a tragedy that left me questioning how the rest of my life would unfold. My faith in God never once wavered through the difficult times and, frankly, kept me together when all other parts of my life worked against it.

I kept trudging through my days trying to determine how best I could be a good Dad all the while being pretty frightened and uneasy about being a single Dad but that would not stop me from doing the best I could for my little girl. Then one day this angel appeared from out in cyberspace. I didn’t know it was an angel immediately but I certainly knew it very soon and am now thankful for every day I have with this angel.

If you haven’t figured out who I am speaking of well you may not know me that well. Tomorrow is a birthday for my best friend in all of this world and not only have I never looked back after saying I do to her I have done quite the opposite and look forward to growing old with this special woman. It is one thing to have a significant other but I have my best friend, lover, crazy companion and lifetime partner all rolled up into one 5’2” fireball. ( I gave her a few extra fractions that I know she will appreciate)

We are now in the middle of a most special and exciting process that we won’t make public until the right time but we will proceed through together just as we have done since that wonderful day back in 1999 when I knew I had met the lady I wanted to spend the rest of my God given years with. Happy birthday Linda and I love you.