I've been away from blogging for the past number of days. I am currently in upstate NY visiting my Dad as he is dealing with some serious health issues. My wife and I are hunkered down in the hotel for a day of rest.
While the rest is much needed it also avails my mind to do its sometimes twisted thinking. This blog is serious so if you are looking for laughs it may not be your cup of tea. This blog is concerning family but really is mostly about my Dad and really about how we all must deal with our aging parents. There is a finality about life or I suppose you could say a stark reminder of our mortality that stares us in the face sometimes. I'm certainly trying to deal with that process right now. The problem really is not how to deal with my own mortality but my Dad's.
Even now as I look into his eyes I see that solid strength that makes him so very special. The strength that comes from a steadfast belief in God and knowing that the next step for him will be the most joyous of all. The issue I grapple with is one we all do from time to time. It is how we cope when that awesome display of strength has left us here on Earth.
I have been trying to come to terms with losing the focal point of my family and how that void will be filled or even if it can be filled. My immediate family is spread all over this country. My family, which I suspect like others, has its challenges. These challenges tend to become less important when in the company of our Father. When that changes I wonder how our family will change.
These feelings I'm having are admittedly selfish. My hero is suffering and with that so am I. His will, his faith and his love are never in doubt but his body is now starting to fail him. He still moves forward and functions better than many much healthier among us and watching his body falter is the most difficult thing I may ever have to deal with. Please pray for everyone in my family and also for every family dealing with these same issues.
I am very fortunate to have my own faith which is absolutely vital right now in giving me comfort. I know the Lord will be even more blessed to have this man among his army of faithful souls. My immediate selfish conflict is still mostly about how our family will move forward and yet stay connected. The need to believe in the power of faith and love must keep me moving forward with optimism. No answers here mostly just thoughts.
Oh my gosh, I am at work wanting to cry my eyes out after reading your blog. There is no real answer; everybody handles this in their own way. I myself will have a hard time dealing with this issue. I do have faith but not nearly as strong as yours. Dad is a true hero, in all sense of the word. I only wish I had been connected to him all these years as you have been (though the connection was always there). Our family will stay connected and we will make that happen!
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and your family, Pete, and you are all in my prayers. I know what you are going through because I've been there, and tears are falling as I write to you. We all must handle these issues in our own way. Just try to stay focused on that wonderful, selfless hero in your life... your Dad. He is in your heart today, and he will always be in your heart. Love him, cherish him and celebrate him now and forever and ever !!! I'm here for you, and I love you dearly ... Sis
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. As I read what you just wrote I couldn't help but go back and remember what it was like to lose my dad. Don't forget that God is a good God. He does not show us what we are not meant to see...and he does not put us through anything we can not handle. You may blow that off at the moment...but you'll remember it.
ReplyDeleteOur fathers truly are the center of the family...nothing is ever done without asking dad...no one dared to question his authority...and once he was gone, things changed. Yes, things will change in your family, that's the truth...but you will be closer and stronger...the dynamics may change, but family never does. Just remember that you will always carry him with you..always. You will think about him every day...he was always here to be your father and love and protect you as his son..and he will always be there to love and protect you...you'll just have your own guardian angel. If you need anything, you know who to ask. My thoughts and prayers are with you Mr. B...much love to you and your family.
~sarah younes~