Still fighting the loss.....

I’ve not had a Christmas quite like this one. I always seem to feel the spiritual aspects of Christmas but lately seem so overwhelmed by missing my Dad that I can’t seem to filter it out. I do, in fact, feel guilty for that. I know I shouldn’t because it is human nature to have the feelings I have; but I do. I know in my heart what this season represents. I know what is important to remember about this Advent period.

This is the day my Dad really relished. For years he would have a Christmas party that everyone looked forward to. As much as he tended to not be a person who wore his emotions on his sleeve he really loved Christmas. I think he loved it most because he was a man that really enjoyed studying other people’s reactions to just about everything. He was a true professional reaction fisherman. There was many a time I could see him throw out the hook to get someone to bite and invariably someone would swallow the hook. (Usually my brother Larry) It was a beautiful thing to watch. God I miss that. I may have gotten that quality from him as I often find myself doing the same thing.

Christmas should be a time of joy and hope and yet I can’t seem to shake the pain of his loss. I know…I know…I hear you all…this is natural…give it time….I do understand that but understanding and being able to do it are completely different.

I do know that Christ’s love will overcome my feelings of pain. I know my precious memories will ultimately win the day. I just need to get past this and I will. I pray for all of you that you also can get past any losses you may have experienced so that instead you are overcome with gratitude for what you have. Please pray for me as well.

My Christmas Wish

So Christmas is just around the corner and I thought I would write just a little to project a few thoughts and emotions.

The first thing that is ever most in my thoughts is my first Christmas without my Dad. Even though we were many miles apart for the last few Christmases we were never far apart emotionally. Now I find myself even more connected emotionally and that can be both good and challenging. I will just need to focus on the positive and not the loss but that’s sometimes easier said than done.

I am beginning to learn the real secret of surviving the holidays and it is, for me at least, to ignore the commercial side. I used to find myself getting annoyed at all the commercial aspects of this time of year but the last couple I find myself focusing primarily on what I feel is important. Those things would be my God, my family and my friends. Gifts, cards and things, while nice, are fleeting. God, family and friends are not. I am blessed to have a terrific family not the least of which is my loving wife. I am the man I am because of her. She puts up with all my church endeavors as well as my many quirks. I have a wonderful daughter, 2 special sons and a great step-son as well as an extended family to be proud of. So I don’t care if Wal-Mart is open until the end of time selling everything under the sun. It will have absolutely no impact on what I have and what is important.

I find myself these days when I am near a Mall (I know not a smart place to be) getting less annoyed at the frenzied, panicking, rude shoppers and actually looking at them as a source of comedic relief. While the crowds sometimes make me look for the nearest exit it is more the physical loss of oxygen than any other reason.

So lighten up everyone. I know, I say that but it won’t change anyone who doesn’t have the will to change. My one wish for everyone is that this season makes you refocus on the important things. Enjoy the season for what it’s worth but don’t place too much stock on the “things” associated with it….they will be gone long before the people that get them. Merry Christmas all…and a blessed 2011!

What's Wrong With People?

This is almost a regular diatribe for me but I feel the need to regurgitate on this subject. I have simply one question to ask and one question only; What in the world is wrong with people?

OK, perhaps I should explain. I drive my share of miles but it never ceases to amaze me how much everyone is in a hurry these days. It is especially evident when you approach most any city. People drive with no regard to anyone else on the road. It’s all about me these days.

I got on the road, for instance, this morning heading for church. I do near the speed limit most times. Its Sunday morning….should be a somewhat calm and peaceful day. Should be is the operative phrase. People fly by me sometimes from both sides as if I am crawling and this does not favor any real demographic. It runs the gamut from tricked out little rice rockets to minivans filled with kids. What is wrong with people? When did everyone’s own agendas outweigh public regard or safety? What does it say about parents that drive that way with vans full of young crumb crunchers? Oh and this would be the same group of people suing a manufacturer for sticky accelerator pedals. If you weren’t doing 95 miles per hour in the first place you might have been able to stop!

I’m sorry but someone needs to explain to me how everyone has just gone crazy on the roads. I would also venture a guess that at least 50% of whoever dares read this is also guilty of the same thing. I truly need it explained to me. I know that most every community’s budget deficits could be resolved if police would just start camping out on the roads I drive on. There simply is no justification for the maniacal behaviors exhibited on our roads these days.

When did traffic laws become suggestions? That little stick on the left side of your steering wheels has some great little mass notification features. I invite everyone to explore it. As an aside, I guess police cars don’t get those little sticks. Perhaps budget cuts did away with that option on their cruisers. One little thing about those sticks….using them is not permission to cut me off.

So there it is. I try to handle my road rage in this way; Venting to my loyal reader(s). I invite you all to slow down just a bit, perhaps enjoy some of your favorite music and keep everyone’s insurance rates down just a bit more. Happy trails……

Flying...still an enigma

So I recently flew to Dallas for a couple days of a hugely rewarding and highly informative security conference. Flying is such a conglomeration of human fascinations to me these days. I thought I would share some of the things I find fascinating about flying.

We have all heard the instructions as we are about to take off, from the flight attendant or have we? Most people are busy trying to get that last urgent phone call or text in before they inadvertently bring the plane down. Some people already have the headphones on…the ones that eliminate extraneous sound….wouldn’t want to know about that oxygen mask. The other thing I find curious about the instructions is how they instruct you in fastening your seatbelt. So they are instructing me on how to use the seatbelt AFTER they have made sure everyone had their seatbelt fastened. Am I the only one who finds this curious? One more thing that comes to mind….how many crash scenes have you every seen pictures of with half of the passengers clinging to their seat cushions….because as everyone knows you may use your seat cushions as a flotation device. Let me change the question….Have you seen ONE passenger ever clinging to said flotation device?

Once they get us in the air and everyone is educated about the emergency exits they must orderly use in case of a crash, how to use the oxygen masks (cups really) how to detach and use the seat cushions in case of a water landing (hideous crash) and how damaging the smoke detectors in restrooms is a felony or something of that nature they then serve the alcohol. Sounds like a recipe for success don’t you think? By the way, are there smoke detectors anywhere but just the bathrooms? I sure hope so because by the time the smoke was to permeate the bathrooms I should think we would all be clinging to our seat cushions.

Now we’ve been up for a couple hours of indiscriminate jostling and babies crying and Ipods screeching and little Indian guys eating their very pungent four course meals right next to me not to mention several alcohol induced outbursts and it’s time to drop to a controlled landing on something other than water or pastures. It’s time to put everything away…put your seat back trays locked away….put your seatbacks in their upright position; that’s another detail that bugs me…why can’t I land in a relaxed position? Is their some grand reason we all must be sitting up? Anyway, as we touch down, usually a filling loosening thud, you can almost feel the tension rise as people prepare to figure out a way to body surf over the other passengers right off the plane. Alcohol also lends itself well to planning that project.

Then to complete the leisurely process of flying there is that mad dash to get your luggage, followed by about an hour wait for the luggage to start crawling up the conveyor belt. Then there are only about 200 black bags and God help you if you didn’t do the ribbon thing cause it could take another hour of searching bags for yours. One note, everyone is doing the ribbon thing now so you better have a unique ribbon! Then there’s the leisurely stroll through about a 4 mile terminal until you get to an immense parking deck in which your car is usually at the furthest point from the entrance. I think John Madden is absolutely right about taking a bus everywhere he goes (ok it is a private bus) as flying has become such a sea of human suffering that you either need to laugh about it or cry. As for me, I will try to continue to laugh until I can afford my own private bus.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Well it’s your birthday today and I wish I could celebrate that fact with you but instead I am left with many numerous and wonderful memories. In years past, Linda and I would have performed the very difficult task of trying to figure out what to send you for your special day. Not this year and what I wouldn’t give for another chance.

I’m not sure if you would be disappointed in me or upset with me but I still miss you as if you passed yesterday. Everyone tells me it will get easier. Everyone tells me to give it more time. While I know this to be true it’s not what I really want to hear. The worst part is there really isn’t anything anyone can say that will make this easier. The years march on whether we like it or not and our mortality eventually becomes a realization. Knowledge of that fact is of little comfort even now.

What I have learned over the years and in my various losses of loved ones are there really never seems to be enough time. Never enough time to say I love you one more time. Never enough time to see just one more smile or hear one more “my aching back”. Never enough time to enjoy one more dinner at Mainly Lobster or a michigan at McSweeney’s. So instead we are left with our memories and they will have to suffice but right now….at this very moment….I find even the memories to not be enough. I feel weak Dad. I feel like I need to draw on an inner strength that at this moment escapes me. So I will pray….and pray some more for my God to supply me with that needed strength.

I will never forget our long talks about everything under the sun. I will never forget my counseling you, of all things, when you lost Daisy. As much as we disagreed on politics how I wish I could be in an engaging conversation about this President with you. I would give anything to be sitting beside you watching your beloved Yankees just one more time.

I want to thank you Dad. You supplied me with a foundation to my faith. You gave me an example to follow and a hero to admire. You taught me right from wrong even though I didn’t always get that right every time. You taught me to find wit and humor in any situation. You taught me to stand by my convictions even when I stood alone. You taught me how to blow a pretty fair horn. So even though you were no more perfect than any of us you made me want to aspire to try and measure up to you and I continue that mission still today. You have left some big shoes to fill and I may never fill them but I will never stop trying.

I know you are already growing impatient with me getting all emotional and nostalgic so I will close this letter. Dad, I never really said this enough to you but I love you. You knew it…I knew it…and for us that was enough. But I wish I could tell you right now in person one more time. So this will have to do. I know I will see you again….not sure when that will be…..but that very fact will sustain me and one day….in the future….I will see you face to face….and will tell you once more…..I love you.

Pete

The Journey Continues......

Life can be filled with so many twists and turns it sometimes is a challenging ride to stay on. Through my years on the planet I have been reminded of this many times. I personally have had quite a few challenges this year. The passing of my Dad still seems to occupy my mind most even though I have other significant challenges to deal with. My wife, God bless her, still reminds me it hasn’t been that long since he passed and I will still have more difficult milestones to get by and while I know this to be true I am still frustrated that I can’t seem to overcome the grip it has on me some days. I still have much to accomplish and the grief seems to really, at times, sidetrack me to the point of not taking care of my priorities.

It may sound as if I am saying I’m lost and can’t find my way but that’s not really the issue. It’s a troubling place to be where you really CAN see the forest for the trees but can’t seem to direct yourself through the forest. So, for now, I muddle on trying to figure my way through this. I keep wanting to call and talk to my Dad….so I do talk to him….but now it’s through a different conduit. I really miss the old method.

I feel a little guilty staying on this topic in my writing but as I said my Dad still dominates my thoughts so I suppose it is natural that he would dominate my writing. My family, as spread out and fractured as it may be, seems to be a ship without a captain now. I guess it is becoming now an armada instead of one ship and the captains all are navigating their own ships. I miss the old captain. He always seemed to know the right passage to steer through. I must take hold of the wheel now and steer my own ship hoping that my old captain taught me well. OK….that is way too many metaphors and if you are wondering I am completely sober and drug free and all of this literary magnificence just seems to flow.

That’s another personality trait my dear Dad imparted upon me…to use humor to diffuse other emotions. Laughter, after all, is much more appealing than tears and tears are just not the Bourey way. (Right Dad?)

So my journey through this continues and as long as you can tolerate it you can ride along with me. If any of you who manage to read this has not lost a parent perhaps it will help you when the time comes. What continues to save me is knowing I have so much more to be thankful for than I do to grieve for. I thank God every day for not what I have lost but for what I have gained. My new favorite quote is life is not about fearing the storms, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. When I do dance…..it will be to the sweet sounds of my favorite trumpeter.

Old Friendships

Do you remember high school? I mean do you really remember? Do you remember those close friendships you had at that point in your life that you felt could never be broken or impaired? I do. One of the things in my life that I regret, and yes I know regrets are a waste of good energy, but I regret this just the same; losing contact with close friends.

Now I realize we all can now use Facebook and other social network sites to catch up. Is that really the same thing? I would submit that it is not even close. I even have who I would consider to be my closest lifelong friend not an hour away and I have fallen woefully short of keeping up with this man. I need to change that. Life does have a way of weaving us on a path that we most likely didn’t plan or anticipate and in many cases our friendships take a beating for that. My life has certainly thrown me my share of curveballs but to be fair some of those curveballs were my own pitches.

We all have our own stories about how we drifted from our early friendships and I would be willing to surmise that every story is different. I had friends in my high school years that I spent so much time with I can not believe we didn’t stay in touch. There are phrases from my past and adventures as well that I could in no way explain to many now who would appreciate or understand. With these friends all I would have to say is “Helllo!!!! Who EEES IT??!!” and we could laugh for hours….ok minutes about it and not have to explain. I have friends who remember ice skating on lakes…tobogganing into trees and the list goes on and on….and yet we have lost touch. I know the old phrase about never being able to go “home” again. I suppose that is a good characterization of our past friendships. They will never be quite the same.

I’m not really sure what has made me ponder this tonight. Perhaps with the passing of my Dad a few months ago I am longing for the past a bit. The pain of my Dad’s passing is still pretty fresh although I am coping better now than I was. Perhaps the transition that has taken place in my family magnifies the transition of many aspects of our lives over time. I’ve never dealt well with transition and I’m afraid this has been no different. Yes I realize everyone goes through this but what is equally true is everyone goes through it their own way and I don’t think there is a right way.

So I am making a pact to get up with my old Grand Way buddy….I hope he reads this and has the same sentiments. Think about one of your closest friends in high school…ok Jim you may not be able to remember so you are exempt….but seriously think about that friend and call them and say hello. Close your Facebook and have a real conversation. Friendships may never be the same….but perhaps if we treat them as we once did they can still be just as rewarding.

Hodgepodge

I haven’t written a lot in a while probably because when I come home from my office the last thing I feel like doing is thinking! But recent events and my propensity for political rants has got me bubbling over.

My first topic is our illegal immigrant policy; or should I say lack thereof? Our President recently stated that our borders are now more secure than they have ever been. Was that some kind of a joke? Are you kidding me? If you think that the 1200 additional National Guard troops will make a dent in this you are living in another time continuum. Of the 1200 troops sent a little over 500 are being delegated to the almost 2000 mile border of Arizona. So that’s one person for every 4 miles…..there you have it. We have the resources to make our borders secure but no one in government has the kiwis to make it so. Might this be that perhaps certain people in our government are looking for some affirmative votes in upcoming elections? What a cynical question to ask; I won’t answer it but I invite you to stay tuned to the amnesty debacle that will be taking place soon in a country near you.

North Carolina is tackling the very controversial bill about making talking on a cell phone illegal in your car. Even my sweet wife says this type of law will really have no impact on the problem. I am certainly not one to invite even more government intrusion in our lives. Still though, I wonder if this falls into that simple category. It is, on the surface, more government intrusion. The issue here though is public safety and from what I see on our state highways, cell phones are an absolute hazard. I watch people every day making wild, nonsensical maneuvers while they are engrossed in some conversation and then they look up at you like you are an idiot. Those people should not only not be allowed to talk on a cell phone in their cars but they should have them taken away permanently. I don’t want our wonderful non-representative government telling me what I can do or cannot do; however, I don’t want Joe Geek plowing head on into me while talking about the usefulness of quotation marks in his excel spreadsheet. So this one is a tough call.

Lastly, this is more an observation than an opinion although with me it’s sometimes difficult to make the distinction. I am just fascinated by watching these economic “experts” give their opinions about our economy. They have all pretty much proven to be as successful as the weatherman predicting our hurricane season. It’s as if they are all using completely different sets of information to arrive at our doom and gloom. It would appear that forecasting the economy is not at all a science but an art. I guess my comment here is their should be a disclaimer before any of those pointy headed experts speak of the economy stating that this is merely an interpretation based on fictional facts.

I don’t know when my next literary compost pile will appear. Sometimes I think I just write these to myself for my own pleasure. I do find that when I begin to write I can’t type as fast as my brain can think and often I find myself frustrated that my memory is so short that by the time I’ve written a thought I forget the thought that just popped in my circuitry that seemed more relevant. I know; it sounds like a personal problem. The good thing about a blog is you all have the ability and right to just hit the X…..

Father's Day Message

After being a Dad of some form or another for many years now I feel somewhat qualified to speak on the subject. So here goes my little diatribe in regards to being a Dad.

Being a Dad is being the rock. Now being the rock can be a good thing….and it can get you in trouble. (Often) Being a rock means you are solid and dependable and can be counted on to do whatever you can for your children. It also can mean immoveable and stubborn and prideful and those things are, although honorable, sometimes a problem. I would like to think I have some of those first qualities because I am more than certain I have the last three.

Being a Dad means hurting when your children hurt. We also have a bit of a problem built into being a male and that is we always want to fix it. Sometimes it can’t be fixed….only adapted to. I would be the first to admit that I am a fixit guy and I will continue to try and fix it long after the rest of the world knows it can’t be fixed. (You know…stubborn, prideful, and immoveable)

Now of those three sometimes problematic qualities I think I have improved on the immoveable part. The other two not so much. As we all get older I think some of us do begin to mellow and are more receptive to other ideas.(Or perhaps we just give up easier) There are some topics I will never move on….Jesus Christ= my savior, big government=bad, taxes=waste, decaf coffee=no point, smoking=death, undocumented aliens=illegal immigrants, wife’s happiness=priority, and blogging=not getting something I should be doing right now done.

Being a Dad equals another task; Taking those phone calls about flat tires and broken driers, etc. I am still the go to guy….although I could be replaced. We’ll see about that. Being a Dad means yet another thing…..a very good thing. It means many precious memories that can’t be taken away. Memories of first communions, of 5th grade graduations, of diapers taped in an amazingly straight line the entire four walls of a living room. It is memories of high school graduations, college graduations, first apartments…..so many memories…more than room here would allow and more than most readers would tolerate.

Being a Dad has been and continues to be a challenge, a blessing and a privilege. I know Father’s Day is right around the corner and this year will hold a new deeper and at times difficult meaning for me. I thank God for the opportunity to be a Dad and I pray that in the end I will be half the Dad my Dad was to me.

Thanks On This Day and EVERY day!

Do you ever think about how lucky we are in this country? I do most every day. I do my share of complaining and nay saying but for the most part I am thankful. We are blessed to be able to complain without the risk of governmental retaliation although that line has been getting more blurry as time goes by with our current administration. That was an example of giving thanks and complaining all in the same sentence. Pretty impressive eh?

We are fortunate to be able to walk into our many various grocery stores all stocked to the gills with many products and purchase what we need and many times what we want which aren’t necessarily the same thing. We can step outside and take a walk without the fear of mortars or gunfire. So materialistically we are blessed in many parts of this country.

We are able to worship with freedom although perhaps that right is slowly being chipped away. In most places we are able to proudly state “In God We Trust”! We are also free to not worship at all. Just another freedom. We are all so guilty of complaining and tearing down this nation that we lose sight of the fact, at times, that we still live in the greatest nation on Earth.


The most important thing we need to realize, especially on this day, is how blessed we have been to have so many sacrifice so much for us to be able to enjoy these freedoms. So on this day remember to be thankful for all the veterans and their families that have given themselves to preserve what we do have. This is my way of saying thank you to all who have bravely served and to all that continue to do so. This is a day to take stock and I encourage you all to do just that!

I Am Blessed

So time is moving forward as always does whether we want it to or not. My life has been inexplicably changed forever with the loss of my Dad. My faith has received the ultimate test. As much as I am still working through the grieving process there is one thought that continues to sift its way through to the forefront of my sometimes almost impenetrable brain; I am blessed.

My Dad has forged on to the ultimate destination. He leaves us with so many incredible and indelible memories. So many moments of laughter and joy and a few moments of frustration but mostly the memories are solid and good. I am blessed.

He has lead by an incredible example. He worked most of his life to provide for his family. We may not have always appreciated that fact but we could never dispute it. His mind was a mind of very intense analysis. The man could fix anything and could improve on most everything. You may not always agree with his solutions but in the end you would always succumb to his methods because you knew he was either right or you were wrong. By the way, I don’t remember a time he was wrong and he would agree with that statement! I am blessed.

How can you quantify what a single man has done in his life to inspire you? I can tell you from my personal experience and that is you can not. I remember being just a shade higher than a mailbox and listening to him play his trumpet and wanting so much to play the trumpet. As destiny would have I play the trumpet. My style is most directly influenced by the heart and soul my Dad put into his playing. The first songs I could really play were the songs I heard come from his horn. I distinctly remember his talent in woodworking and in basically fixing most everything he put his hands on. As it turns out I think I am pretty handy, I am blessed.

When I was very little and made, yes made to attend the Catholic Church I really had no idea the impact that would have on me in later life. Even at a tender age I grew to understand the importance faith either had or would have on me. I saw in my Dad’s eyes and in his behavior the level of importance he placed on his faith. Sure I had a period I went through in my 20’s when I figured I had all the answers and shunned God. I was blessed to be impacted by my Dad in ways I had yet to learn in those years. I believe more in God right this minute than I did just a minute ago. I attribute this core of my beliefs to my one true hero in this life. I am blessed.

Notice I state that I am blessed in the present tense? I am blessed not because I had a Dad who loved me but because I still believe I have a Dad that loves me; just not of this world. The other reason I think of it in the present tense is because I carry my Dad wherever I go. I will always carry this man just as I know my wife and daughter will carry this man. Just as I know my Aunts and Cousins will carry this man. Everyone whoever had the pleasure of making contact with this man will carry him in one form or another. So not only am I blessed; we are all blessed.

More to come on this subject but my composure or I should say lack of composure dictates I stop for now.

My Cousin's Tribute To My Dad

I felt it only fitting to put this on my blog as my last and best tribute to my Dad. It was written by my cousin Jim who as you will see has a gift with the English language. It captures everything there is to know about who this man was and what he meant to all that knew him. Thank you Jim.



For Uncle Art’s Funeral April 20, 2010

Good Morning. Uncle Art’s family has asked me to say a few words today at this celebration of his life. Actually they asked me to write and deliver a eulogy. Eulogy is some kind of word derived from Greek that I define as a speech full of fancy words and compliments that might or might not be true. Well, I don’t think Uncle Art would want a eulogy. He would say that that was too high-brow for him. So instead I’m just going to say a few things I remember that might help us understand what kind of man he was.

I first knew Uncle Art when I was a little kid. I suppose that’s obvious isn’t it? He was the kind of Uncle who took kids on their own terms. So when I was visiting him … by the way back then he was known as Uncle Buster … he was friendly enough, but he had a way of talking to us like he was more of an older brother than an adult uncle. He would tease us and play silly little tricks on us. And when we fell for them, which was every time, he’d just give that little chuckle of his that we came to know so well.

Uncle Art was an outdoorsman, a guy who loved hunting and fishing. He also liked the other activities that guys who hang around in hunting camps enjoyed. Beer drinking, cigar smoking and telling stories all come to mind. I can recall seeing the results of a couple of his hunting trips hanging from a tree limb up in Lyon Mountain. I have vivid memories of some big deer and one year a bear. He tried to convince me that the bear was just sleeping and would wake up any second and be really ticked off because it was hanging there, which of course scared the heck out of me. He thought that was funny. But he really did have a true affection for the woods and streams of the areas in which he lived and traveled. In recent years as I became a more frequent visitor he gave me tips on where to fish and back roads to take to certain ponds and streams. And he wasn’t, like a lot of fishermen, sending me off on a wild goose chase. He was honest.

In fact, he was sometimes painfully honest. A few years back (and this is true too) he told me he always thought I had a big head when I was younger. I said “Yeah I guess for my size I had a pretty large head.” He said “No I don’t mean a fat head I mean a big stuck-up head.” ‘But you seem to be a little better now” he added. I said the only thing I could say … “Thank you”… because that’s how we should respond to honesty. Uncle Art was straightforward and honest in all his dealings. He wanted to be treated fairly and that’s how he treated everyone else he came in contact with.

There are a lot of clichés and overused things that could be applied to Uncle Art. He was hard working, clever and skilful in many things. He was a good citizen and a proud veteran of WWII. He was a good provider and he always did the best he could for his family. All of those are true for him as they are for many men of his generation. But he was also a unique guy with a wicked sense of humor. He loved seeing self-important people take a fall or get a pie in the face. But he was also capable of poking fun at himself and he didn’t take life too seriously. A sharp and funny remark was always just waiting for the right time to come out of his mouth. And those remarks came often.


Over the past years Uncle Art faced a lot of medical challenges. Colon cancer, lung problems, heart trouble and a nasty fall on the ice all knocked him for a loop. But he always took those troubles in stride figuring out how to deal with them and doing what it took to get back on his feet and moving ahead. Just last Wednesday I had the opportunity to visit with him. During that visit he told me that the frustrating thing about this latest set of problems was that he probably couldn’t get a whole lot better, but he’d do the best he could with what he had. He had the kind of courage that could face hard realities with a positive outlook.

And Uncle Art was a man of faith, which became more evident as he got older. That is not to say that he was a preacher or pushy about getting people to follow his particular set of beliefs. He was more of an example setter. His basic reliance was on the “golden rule”, which is, after all, the core of most religion and decent human behavior, and it was the guideline he followed the most.

And finally, above all Uncle Art was a family man. I’ve heard stories about his youth that indicated he might have been a somewhat wild and rebellious kid. But he had great respect for his parents and his sisters and brothers. He loved to talk about his dad, Grandpa Bourey, telling stories of craftsmanship, hard work and life in Standish. And Uncle Art was always concerned about and proud of his children and voiced that, not always to them. Maybe even rarely to them. But in conversations with others, including me, he was pretty liberal with his praise for his kids. He also was glad to have such fine grandchildren and enjoyed talking about them and their progress as they grew. To Uncle Art, family was a constant, something to rely on and to enjoy. He believed that you may not always be in frequent contact with family members but if they needed help you were there. And he was there at those needful times.

So today we celebrate the life of a good man; a good father, a good son and brother, a good friend and a darn good Uncle

My Hero Has Moved On

There is nothing easy about grieving. Many people try to come up with words to help. I am in the throws of grief right this minute. I am writing this purely with selfish motives. I am writing this to try to make sense of things and to perhaps even ease the pressure or burden of a loss. While many words of love and support will be uttered these next few weeks, the grief will still have a cutting edge to it that will only ease over time. I know this. I have dealt with grief before. It still doesn’t really make it any easier. Time is what will be needed to help the healing.

I have lost my hero. He is now in the loving hands of my Lord. I’m sure he’s fixing something up there already. This man could fix anything. I only wish he could fix my breaking heart. I need strength. I need to reach deep within my faith to get this strength. I need the loving arms of my wife. I need the support of anyone and everyone. I don’t really need any answers. I know the answers. I know my hero is where we all want to be. The problem is how we deal with the here and now.

My grief is raw right now. I am feeling the sting of losing someone I loved dearly. I got to spend some really treasured time with him these past few years. I will never forget our talks. I will never forget his wit….his strength of character….his many words of wisdom. I will never ever utter “oh my aching back” without thinking of him. Many people have many wonderful memories of this man. He left his mark wherever he was.

This man was a great man. He was a great Dad….husband…friend…and Christian. He would do anything for anyone. He was my hero. I love you Dad……and I will see you, hopefully, in heaven when it’s my turn.

Easter

This will be my little Easter sermon. Many of you know my faith is an important part of who I am. Some of you probably get annoyed from time to time as I spout off about my beliefs. Well here’s a little epiphany for you…..I don’t care!

Life is precious and short as far as our time on this Earth is concerned. All of us have our passions and interests and even yes obsessions. Some of us place importance on worldly possessions as a mark of our success. I also realize there is a growing segment of people that place no emphasis on any religious faith and make no effort to even make it a part of there lives. How truly sad that is. I’ve said this before but it bears repeating; if anyone thinks that our life here on Earth is all there is then how do they even get out of bed in the morning? What would be the point?

Why do I believe? That can’t be simply answered in these short paragraphs. I think anyone who has faith in God has gained it differently over the years. Mine is built on many things. It was given a foundation in my early years through my Dad making, yes making us go to church. It sort of drifting on me somewhat in my 20’s and made a solid comeback when I married Karen. Then I met Jay James and that was not only when it began to grow but it flourished. I am the product of many years of life experience and even some tragedy and I do think I am living proof of the old adage, “that which doesn’t kill you will make you stronger”. I am now very fortunate to be married to a beautiful lady that also places her faith above all else. So my faith continues to grow. My focus in life is to be ready when my savior makes the call. Will I be ready? Will YOU be ready?

Easter is the perfect time in the church year to be reborn. The whole message of Easter is how we get a fresh start. Jesus did that for us. He made everything new. I hope some of you take advantage of this fresh new beginning. I know many families that put a real emphasis on there faith and strive to teach there children how important God is in their lives, My belief is if you have children you have no greater calling or could leave no more important legacy than to leave your children understanding how important their faith is in their lives.

So enjoy your Easter. Enjoy all the Easter Bunny things and the food and the family. I challenge you to also use this holiday to rekindle or for some even kindle a faith. You don’t need to jump in the water all at once but I challenge all of you to slowly wade in the shallow end…..and slowly work your way to the deeper waters. You might just find this adventure to be a real life changing event. If you have children, it might even be a life saving event.

Today Is The Day

Today is the day. My Dad changes his residence after many many years. I know it’s for the best. I know he will get the best possible care. I also know I can’t shake this sadness. It will be a transition that he has to make as well as many of us will at some point but that knowledge doesn’t soften my sadness.

The process that’s hard for me is after all the years of him being the one to turn to for help and guidance now becomes almost reversed. He’s the one who needs the help. I am many miles away so my brother has been forced into that role almost on his own. So the miles make this even more difficult.

There is no fix for this. It is time doing what it does. I now must call upon my faith once again to keep me mindful of not what I am losing but what I have been blessed with all these years. You see time can challenge us in many ways but at least for now I can also use that time in the way of memories to keep me lifted.

Keep my father in your prayers that whatever God’s plan is for him that his last and final transition is an easy one.

My Hero

As much as I hate revisiting this issue I am in need of some self-therapy so although this is of a personal nature to me I am compelled to share. My hero is about to move to an assisted living facility in Upstate NY. It is a nice place and he will be looked after much more effectively than he could live on his own. So intellectually I understand the reasoning for this. My problem is not intellectual at all.

This man is a rock. Even in his weakened state he continues to inspire anyone he touches. His will is unbending; his faith unending. My most personal difficulty is coming to the realization that he no longer can really care for himself. He is a proud man and this decision had to be a difficult one for him. He has always been a very independent person and I think part of what made him thrive was his independence. And now his body is beginning to fail him. In many ways I’m quite certain he is dealing with this better than I.

Many of my friends and relatives are also dealing with aging parents. Some close to me have already dealt with the passing of their parents. I, on the other hand, am not ready to deal with either when it comes to my hero. I can’t seem to sort my feelings. I am quite good about separating the intellectual side of this from the emotional side; however, the emotional side is still winning. It is selfish I know….it is my problem to deal with. I have started a little exercise in the evening before bed to pray for my hero and to pray for the strength to deal with what lies ahead.

So I ask you to all pray for my hero and for my family. I am not alone when it comes to having difficulties reconciling my emotions. Many have come before me and many will come after me. This fact is not really a comfort right now though. This is my hero. I love you Dad.

The Inevitable Response

OK…here it comes. I just can’t go on without commenting on what just took place in Washington. You folks who don’t like politics see ya otherwise here’s my take on everything.

What took place is a complete travesty and basically a government takeover of our country as we know it. Our “representatives” did exactly what their President paid, pressured or ultimately ordered them to do. What they did was to completely turn their backs on the electorate. This vote had absolutely nothing to do with healthcare reform. It was all about power and control. When the administration promised transparency we had no idea just how transparent they would be.

This was a good thing. There’s a new take I’ll bet. Why was it good? Let me tell you. It was good because it finally once and for all displayed just what this President is capable of doing. It displayed once and for all just how much respect this President has for the people of this country and their wishes. Now I realize there are those who think this is the greatest deal since sliced bread. You will all wake up when you find out just how much tax that bread is going to have assessed on it. This is a good thing because the Democratic majority can now own one of the most disastrous pieces of legislation to ever be penned. This is a good thing because they will no longer be able to hide behind George Bush. This bill is their baby.

What will be next? Well many are thinking it will be making illegal immigrants legal. After all where is our President going to get his votes? He will have to bribe for them and he will have to count on the dependant class he is creating. The big problem is once you open the floodgates as he has, you now will need to continue to build on it. These people that are in need of free healthcare probably need cars. How else will they find employment? Of course with the car they will need insurance and oh yes gasoline. These are all rights as far as many are concerned, at least many in Washington. Who pays for all of this….you guessed it: YOU.

When I saw speaker Pelosi carrying in the large gavel to declare the bill passed, I actually felt physically ill. This so called leadership has basically raped and pillaged the constitution. Even worse they completely have disregarded it. The standards and expectations that we have held our elected officials to, have literally evaporated before our very eyes.

There is another reason this is a good thing in my opinion. It is awakening many who in the past could care less about politics. This country’s inner strength has always been its people and not its politicians. This bill is getting at least 15 lawsuits filed by states and I’m certain many more entities are going to follow, as they should. It is completely unconstitutional what has taken place and I can’t see how it can go forward without serious challenges.

One last comment about why I think this is a good thing. My hope is it will finally awaken a conservative base to counteract this incredible display of arrogance. I make no distinction here about Republican or Democrat because I think it will only survive if it is a conservative movement not a party movement. The difficulty ahead is figuring out if a third party would help or hinder this movement. The two parties at this time hold so much power (too much) that introducing a third party might only strengthen one of the two parties that essentially exists right now and we all know it would only benefit the left. I don’t have many answers just many questions.

To close, I realize many don’t enjoy or have an interest in politics. I must, however, implore you to get yourself interested because everything invested right now will only benefit your children and your children’s children. As things stand right now, should this bill not be repealed, the debt that will be incurred will, in my opinion, spiral our economy out of control. God help us all if that unfolds.

federal courts??

I read this short paragraph in a magazine I receive in the security field and just had to reprint this little story just to comment on it so here it is:

A teacher may pursue her lawsuit against her employer for failure to accommodate her depression according to a federal appeals court. The court ruled that the school had a duty to pursue accommodation after the teacher provided a doctor’s statement that the depression was linked to a lack of windows in the teacher’s classroom.

That’s it. It was one little teaser paragraph. I read this paragraph and came away with one major conclusion and that was basically this: Are you kidding me?! I simply can’t fathom this story. Where has this country gone? I complain fairly regularly about how we have become a country of entitlists. If our federal courts can even entertain a case like this I don’t believe it bodes well for our future. If we need to bow down to everyone who has a doctor’s note about every malady, some questionable ones at that, how will we be able to even survive?

By the way, the title of the paragraph was ADA. So here’s our wonderful big papa of a government looking out for us once again. Now that I think about it my employer doesn’t provide me with windows either. THAT’S why I am so depressed! I knew there was a reason. I’m headed to my doctor Monday morning to get a note. I suggest that each of you that aren’t provided windows should do the same. Hey, it’s a federal precedent now. Where would we be without the federal courts looking out for us? I say windows for everyone!

Ok, you get my point. It’s just amazing to me how fragile we have become. Not that many years ago this would have not even been entertained in our court system. Our newly bred over-litigious society is now headed on the path of taking our country down. Our government doesn’t have the brass to even look at tort reform. This may have something to do with how many of our professional senators are lawyers…..you think?

So there you have it. Yet another example of how disjointed our government has become and how dysfunctionality is propagated to its fullest in our country. God bless the federal courts or perhaps I should say God save the federal courts!

Reality TV

I know I’m in the minority here and that’s fine because I am used to it. After all, great minds always tend to be in the minority although that fact has little to do with me. The subject I want to express my opinion about is the new craze on TV; reality TV. When did TV become so unreal that reality TV was born? It seems like everything these days falls into the classification of reality TV.

Now I am aware that there are a few curmudgeons among us that for all intensive purposes avoid TV. (Jim) This subject may be lost on them. (him) For just about as long as I can remember (no cracks there from the peanut gallery) TV has been, with the exception of sports and news and a few other meaningless shows, unreal. It has been an escape for many. Many of us deal with all too much reality every day. So I ask you what is the draw.

I think I’ve pretty much figured it out. There is a large segment of our society that thrives on the suffering of others. Many of us also receive comfort knowing that there are many people much more screwed up then we are. Why is that? Perhaps it gives people some strange sense of self worth? I avoid most all “reality TV” because I get embarrassed watching these people. I did watch a show called addiction just the other night out of a sense of curiosity. It was a hideous display of human tragedy and I can’t believe people derive any entertainment from it. A part of me wonders how these camera operators could watch someone shoot up with drugs or drink until they are only partially conscious without intervening. It really just makes no sense to me.

I don’t see this changing anytime soon. In fact, we have become so desensitized to violence, horror and personal tragedy that I can see it only getting worse. It’s almost in a way the extension of how we as a society continue to devalue life. I think we should all take a good look at this dribble on TV and start avoiding it more. Perhaps write a letter or two hundred to the sponsors of these shows and espouse our opinions upon them. I’m not trying to sound high and mighty and without my own faults and vices. I am just as flawed as the rest of us. I guess I just long for the simpler times when Gomer processed a citizen’s arrest on Barney and we all just laughed. When a little puppet on Ed Sullivan would crack up his audience by saying…”Eddie, kiss me goodnight”.

Television is headed down the wrong path in my opinion, if you haven’t deciphered that yet. I’m not saying we need to completely wipe it clean. I am saying that this reality TV trend is mostly destructive as it would seem to me it is promoting more dysfunction among us all if not to just make a few bucks displaying it to the masses.

Tell me what you think.

Various Topicology

I haven’t had or made the time to write lately. Frankly my job has pretty much consumed my time but that’s not a bad thing….just a thing. The unfortunate part for anyone who reads my smatterings has to deal with profuse sputterings of miscellaneous twittery. So hang on it could be a bumpy ride.

My first topic is one I have been reminded of in most glorious fashion; snow. I go back to my childhood memories of building snow forts almost as tall as our house and not dreading it but reveling in it. I remember the almost deafening silence after a massive snowfall that left only nature to devise its plans to continue on while mere mortals quietly secluded themselves until more hospitable conditions arose. The problem, of course, with that scheme was that those conditions didn’t appear for months so after cabin fever began to set in people would venture out and figure out ways to traverse limited as they may be.

That was then: this is now. Snow is beautiful to be in for a day or two but after growing my roots in the South these twenty plus years that is where it begins and that is where it ends. I’m over it. I’m ready for green grass, the warmth that only global warming can provide (just had to sneak that one in) and all the lifted spirits that come of that dawning of spring. I was in Maryland for a week that seemed more like a month. They were freshly reeling from a pretty significant storm when I arrived. They then proceeded to receive another 20 inches. So there we were stuck in a hotel that included the only restaurant in the Northeast, or so it would appear, for two days. Now before all you toughened up Northerners chime in about how “that’s not snow, you want to see snow?”, I want to remind you that there were plenty of Northerners in this hotel experiencing these same feelings. I enjoyed the first day and was ready to move on after that. It was basically Hell frozen over.

My next topic is something I do speak of in small doses as I am aware that many of you prefer not to discuss or even think about: politics. Our government can be summed up by one term; dysfunctional. Actually there is more to it than that it is completely non-representative and feeds entirely upon itself and us. They no longer have any concern for their constituency except for the last month of election time. I sort of equate it to a bad waiter. You may get a really bad waiter that has no real use for you and cares little about the level of service provided until the check is near completion and then the waiter (or waitress) suddenly becomes your best friend. I have to hand it to politicians (and I make no party distinctions in this case) they have really perfected the profession they are a part of that was never intended to be a profession. They say exactly what people want to hear, depending on their audience, and then return to Washington and do whatever they planned on doing all along. Why shouldn’t they? We vote them right back into office so what are the consequences to their actions but rewards. So don’t look to blame anyone. It’s our fault for allowing these hacks to get re-elected. That’s enough on that subject…perhaps too much for many. (Write your own blog)

My last subject is family. Families sure are of a different nature these days. Most of my family for many years was geographically very close. Now everyone is so far spread out that it boggles the mind even coming up with a way to visit the many family members using what little vacation time a working stiff has. I recently had a new addition to my family…a Granddaughter. She‘s a cutie and I hope to see her in a few short weeks if only for a limited amount of time. Congratulations Josh and Caley: you make us all proud. There is only one true miracle that many of us will never forget and that is childbirth. One little piece of advice: listen to all the advice given to you and then do it your own way. Everyone thinks their way is the best but you will find out in the end that the best way you do it is your way. Remember you have the love and support of all of your family and if you ever dare ask advice, I’m here.

That is all.

Tidings Article

Some of you may know I produce a monthly article for our Church's Newsletter. I thought I would post my latest. Perhaps it will make you think a bit....perhaps not.


As I begin to write this I am reminded just how really insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things. I am in a snowy Maryland with more falling right now. So I am hunkered down in a hotel longing for a warm North Carolina day.

When I read that first sentence again I also am reminded of how very significant each of us is in our own way. I suppose that could be considered one of life’s incredible ironies. How could each of those statements be true you may ask? What reminds me of the second statement is what I am looking at right this moment. It is a Gideon bible. The Gideon’s have been doing this for years. Some of us may even just look to see if there actually is a Gideon bible in our room without ever opening it up. That is unfortunate. It is quite a nicely done little bible. That is really not the main point, just an observation. The point here is that the Gideon’s are a perfect example of just how significant each of us can be. The Gideon’s, if you don’t know, are an association of Christian men across denominational lines whose main purpose is to spread the word of God. The association was started by two men in 1898! Two strangers that had one thing in common: our Lord Jesus Christ. What an amazing display of the Holy Spirit working among us!

Reading how a movement like that began gives me pause and makes me wonder what God may have in store for me. I’m quite sure those two men had no idea how incredible their pursuit would grow. Then again, the power of God shows really no boundaries and quite often amazes us. That being said, it doesn’t always slap us in the face. Spreading the word is not something that is often easy and can even sometimes require personal sacrifice. It seems to me that it is really the ultimate display of how giving is so much more fulfilling than receiving.

Consider this point and think about how you can nurture your own movement within the bounds of our wonderful church here at St Timothy’s. I just know if you look you will find people in your same circumstance seeking some way to serve our Lord. Who knows you may start something as small as those two Gideon’s did and it could become much larger than even you might imagine!

Karen

It was almost on this day eleven years ago that the world lost a special person. No, it wasn’t a big celebrity. No, it didn’t hit all the big media outlets and become a major worldwide story. It happened as if a whisper of a leaf rustling in an early morning breeze. It was a short story of just a loving, intelligent, giving lady, wife, mother and friend.

Time has moved on in its usual almost cruelly frenzied pace. Some perhaps have forgotten, or at least, put it to the back of the minds and I must confess there are times when my past escapes me but almost every day I’m reminded of the loss. More importantly I think I’m reminded of what I was blessed to be a part of rather than the loss. That is another perhaps healing aspect of time moving forward. In the immediate aftermath of such a tragedy you naturally, if for a time, grieve about what you’ve lost. I personally became at least doubly blessed to have a special lady become a part of my life after that horrendous event. Real love is such a rare commodity and to find it twice in ones life is even more exceptional.

This lady I speak of who passed on was Karen. She was special to many people. She touched many lives and for twelve short years was a special mother. I know her daughter misses her every day. One of the very special benefits in having a daughter is you can look at her and be reminded of her mother. It is even more special and perhaps at times poignant to be reminded of her mother when her mother has moved on to the Lord’s house. Karen left a legacy. I thank God for that legacy.

Below I’ve included her obituary to remind us all of her and I hope many of you were as blessed to know and love this special lady as I was. Don’t grieve for what we lost. Celebrate what we gained.

Twenty Ten

A new year is upon us. It’s a time for new beginnings at least in the psychological sense. It is time for some of us to make those hideous resolutions that tend to be a waste of good energy because for the most part they are not adhered to for very long. I may not be much different in reflecting and trying to make changes but I don’t do them in the formal sense of a resolution. It just seems like an appropriate time to think about how you’ve behaved in the past year and what you might try and do differently this new year.

Here’s a brief list of what I am considering. As with many of us I need to lose some weight. So that’s on the top of my list. I need to work hard and become more valuable to my new company and although that is not a resolution per say, it is a goal. I need to organize my home life better. I need to try to prioritize the things that need doing and actually DO THEM. That is a lofty pursuit at it’s minimum. I would do good to be more charitable to those in need. I need to spend more time making sure my wife knows just how important she is to me. That really should be enough of a list. The weight thing I will work at and hopefully make some strides. The job thing is really a responsibility that I must do. The house thing I really need to work at if I still want it to be standing and an actual dwelling of value. The charitable thing will be important to my soul. The wife thing is not something I need to try and be successful at, it is the most important thing on the list.

So there you have it. Behold my list of hopes and dreams. As I watch with wonderment the continuing sagas of different souls on Facebook, be they friends or family, I wonder what might be on their lists. Share them with me if you like. Post them somewhere as I am if you must but understand when you make them a public statement you are then obligated to make a full report at year’s end. I will do that if for no other reason to make me accountable for another year. May your 2010 be filled with a amazing list of realized hopes and dreams!